Fighting for the silver chariot of the parking lot.
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  • Mussel Bound

    Posted on March 25th, 2009 luke No comments

    cart-musselsOur special today – a bivalve encrusted shopping cart drizzled with a whisper of nori and a kiss of corrosion. This cart is the victim of some not so good teenagers and a great lake. It was rescued earlier this week and is being slowly de-musseled by volunteers from The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse.

  • Pedal to the Metal

    Posted on March 24th, 2009 luke 2 comments


    cart bike


    It is a half-breed, a combination of bicycle and shopping cart designed for… actually, we’re not sure. But it certainly does look special. Jefferson Scanlon of Ohio spent eight years developing this prototype bike-cart. High marks on storage capacity, low marks on turning ratio and stealth.

  • Carts In Fog

    Posted on March 22nd, 2009 luke No comments

    carts in fogThe lot steps off into whiteness.
    People or stars
    Regard me sadly, I disappoint them.

    The car leaves a line of breath.
    O slow
    Sedan the colour of rust,

    Wheels, dolorous wobbles —-
    All morning the
    Morning has been blackening,

    A bag left out.
    My bones hold a stillness, the far
    Streets melt my heart.

    They threaten
    To let me through to a heaven
    Starless and fatherless, a dark asphalt.

  • What the Helsinki?

    Posted on March 20th, 2009 luke No comments

    KärryFun facts about Helsinki:

    • Ethnic mix: 88% Finnish, 6% Swedish, 6% other.
    • Religion: 86% Lutheran, 13% other, 1% Orthodox.
    • Diet: 80% cod, 12% river eel, 8% other.
    • Popular Sports: 43% soccer, 22% badminton, 21% extreme ice wrestling, 14% competitive clog dancing.
    • Leaving shopping carts in cross-walks: 100% acceptable.
  • A Walk on the Wild Side

    Posted on March 18th, 2009 luke No comments

    Some things just defy explanation.

  • Shopper X Brings It to Kalamazoo

    Posted on March 17th, 2009 luke 1 comment

    LOC_endofwinter.jpgMarch 16, 2009 – Notorious top ten shopping cart abuser Shopper X has declared his intention to come out of retirement. At an unscheduled event in Kalamazoo, Michigan he publicly destroyed fourteen carts in the parking lot of a Lowe’s store. Onlookers described a scene of merciless mayhem. Shopper X used items from the store’s spring sale to senselessly pound the carts beyond repair.

    “I came down for a Santa Rosa elongated style toilet (with a new lower price of $308)”, noted local resident Norman Shumway, “You can imagine my surprise when there was a man in the parking lot using that exact same model to bash a shopping cart!”

    Shopper X announced his retirement in San Francisco in 2001. This was followed by the retirement of his compatriot Ali Wawa and a sabbatical by Cherry Picker. Thus began the golden era of shopping cart safety on the west coast. Now Shopper X has announced a cross-country tour in support of his bid to unseat Kaiser Sousa from the number two spot on the top ten list. Scouts have increasingly predicted a move down the ranks for Mr. Sousa as a result of recent complacency.

  • Basic Cable, Basic Abuse

    Posted on March 14th, 2009 luke No comments

    kyle-howard-shopping-cartWho is Kyle Howard and why is he spraying man-girl germs all over shopping carts? This supposed teen heart throb has landed on the wrong side of the shopping cart abuse battle. He may not be denting or scratching but what he is doing might be considered far worse.

  • Wings of the Fire

    Posted on March 13th, 2009 luke No comments

    berlin5Berlin is burning.
    What is the smell of riot?
    It’s not liverwurst. 

  • Carts of Darkness

    Posted on March 11th, 2009 luke No comments

    Some things are too frightening to think about. Imagine being in Canada. Or imagine being approached by a vagrant. Now imagine both these things at once. Oh, and the vagrant is approaching you at 60 miles per hour. And he’s riding a shopping cart filled with recyclables. Welcome to your nightmare – the inevitable explosion of aluminum and adrenaline.

    Murray Siple has created the documentary Carts of Darkness which profiles Vancouver’s reckless homeless who take to the hills and come back down with cans, bottles, velocity – seemingly everything except control. We respect the objectivity Mr. Siple uses in documenting this tragedy. As can be imagined in a scenario involving high speeds and tramps, an unfortunate end often awaits both the shopping cart and its appended bum.

  • Who Let the Dogs Out?

    Posted on March 11th, 2009 luke No comments

    iditarodThe urban iditarod. It is quickly shaping up to be a national wink wink nudge nudge excuse to maim and defile shopping carts. This past Saturday the carnage was taking place in Los Angeles. On this day our four-wheeled friends lived in the City of Angst.

    The tradition of having the huskie-less Iditarod started, of course, in San Francisco. And – like veganism, sandals and pedestrian right-of-way – the bad idea fanned out from the bay to points across the globe.

    The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse is currently formulating a plan to counter the popularity of the urban iditarod. We cannot publish details at this time except to say that it may involve salmonella-laced beer.