The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse

MIT Students Discover How to Get Credit for Slapping Together a Frankencart

Their peers persevere with projects helping send rockets to the moon and allowing disabled people to get out of the way quicker, but a special group of MIT students are collaborating on a project to stick a lawn mower engine on a shopping cart. The project has been dubbed LOLrioKart – honoring the intrepid Dr. Klaus Spaten von LOLrioKart, a scientist in the former East German Republic who first theorized about welding lawn machinery to shopping carts. The video below shoes a test run on the culmination of this work.

In Memoriam: David Carradine, Friend of the Shopping Cart

They were known on the street as the Silly Funny Goof Gang. But this puerile moniker cloaked a nefarious assemblage of ruffians who for years terrorized shopping carts on Chicago’s west side. It was early winter 2008, however, as they prepared for their annual Silly Funny Goof Gang Cart Kickaround, that their destructive reign was bitch-slapped into oblivion.

Enter David Carradine. In the last photo taken of the Silly Funny Goof Gang the members are shown giving their secret gang sign to the camera. In the background Mr. Carradine looks on. What followed was described by spectators as a blur of bright cotton and blood.

David Carradine was an unsung hero who vigilantly battled shopping cart abusers wherever they practiced their dark art. For years he walked the blacktop quietly dispensing justice to those who menaced our four wheel friends. He was a friend to the cart, The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse salutes him.

A shopping cart abuser masquerading as a peasant leads a shopping cart to would-be doom. In the background David Carradine plays his song of peace moments before unleashing kung fu justice.

Blood on the Lot

The Blood Center of Central Texas has a new advertising campaign that taps into the profound guilt experienced by shopping cart abuse. As in medieval times redemption is offered in the form of blood-letting.

The Simple Things in Life

There are a few golden rules to follow in life. Never loan money to friends. Baking soda is your refrigerator’s best friend. And, above all, keep it simple.

Try this on for simple – instead of taking your car to the grocery store just walk there, do your shopping and ask someone with a motorcycle to let you sidecar your groceries home. Now that’s simple like Sunday morning!

Our Shopping Carts, Ourselves

Penå Morales wins a tug cart with her son Phillipe in the early morning hours this Mother’s Day.

Shopping Carts, Swine Flu and You

A young child playfully licking a shopping cart handle.

What’s on your grocery list this week? Cereal? Bacon? Mr. Pibb? How about swine flu? Most shoppers don’t set out to participate in a pandemic. A few simple precautions can help keep your next trip to the grocery store happy, healthy and virus-free:

1. Do not clean or wipe down your shopping cart. This may sound counter-intuitive but the truth is shopping carts tend to retain only super germs. And by super we mean really good.
2. Encourage your children to lick shopping carts. It is a proven fact, children who lick shopping carts grow up to be more resistant to illness, more resistant to change, more resistant to not licking carts…in general just more resistant.
3. Load your cart with pork products. Firefighters know that the best method to fight a fire is to always start another one. You should know the best way to combat a pork virus is to fill your tummy with pig.
4. Shop in Mexico. Nobody knows more about swine flu than the people living with it. And if you want a good price on tortillas you can’t beat a good run south of the border.

Follow these few simple rules and instead of bringing home swine flu you will be bringing home the bacon!

Big Idea, Little Wheels

It may not be Knight Rider. In fact, it may look more like Nit Rider. Still, the prototype Cartrider by Jaebeom Jeong could offer a look into the future. Fueled by a disdain for shoes and a desire to move around the store quicker his idea may revolutionize your shopping experience. Or, like cold fusion, smooth jazz and waterboarding it may just be a passing fad.

The Circle of Trust

It may appear to be the work of extraterrestrial visitors but this circle of carts is really just a protective formation used to fight off would be shopping cart abusers. Studies have shown that in abuse prone lots carts will naturally be drawn together and form a protective ring. This fascinating form of herd mentality was first documented in early 2007. This circle was documented in Goleta, California in a Costco parking lot known to be a favorite haunt of Ali Wawa.

carts in rain

Double Trouble

If you are a fan of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen you would be distraught to see them mutilated and bound together for the sake of creating a kitchen island. Yes, they would suddenly be useful… still, any utilitarian celebration would be tempered by disgust of such cultural icons forced to uphold something counter to their primary purpose. Imagine a similar situation, only this time the wire frames are two shopping carts.

When the Apartment Therapy website gives us a tour of Peter’s apartment we see the usual I’m a designer look at my designerery apartment touches – the jigsaw table and the ironic 80’s tv show artwork. We also see a Frankenhipster nightmare of shopping cart mutilation and abuse. We hope Pete the designer guy learns to pair his aesthetic with decency towards the noble shopping cart.