Kaiser Sousa

Kaiser (left) with unknown henchman.

Current Rank: 2

All we know for sure about Mr. Sousa is that he was with Patch and Hot Wheels in the early days in Philadelphia. Now that Patch is focusing his efforts on the West Coast, Kaiser is believed to be the biggest operator on the East. It is said he is a patient, meticulous Abuser. Word has it his traditions include polishing a Cart before an abuse event, then reading a custom poem, and afterwards enjoying a delicious confectionary treat.

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Carts made of metal 
Flash in the night 
The McCallum Street Bridge 
A Passage of rite. 

Down towards Retirement 
The clap and the thud 
A scrap cage of steel 
Drowns in the mud. 

And Kaiser dressed in flannel 
He never forgot 
The 100 foot drop 
And the terror it rought. 

Goodbye Mr. Cart 
a sinister sneer 
You’re my first victim this week 
But my fourth this year.

-Kaiser Sousa (1/29/96)