Fighting for the silver chariot of the parking lot.
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  • In Memoriam: David Carradine, Friend of the Shopping Cart

    Posted on June 7th, 2009 luke No comments

    carradine-checks-in

    They were known on the street as the Silly Funny Goof Gang. But this puerile moniker cloaked a nefarious assemblage of ruffians who for years terrorized shopping carts on Chicago’s west side. It was early winter 2008, however, as they prepared for their annual Silly Funny Goof Gang Cart Kickaround, that their destructive reign was bitch-slapped into oblivion.

    Enter David Carradine. In the last photo taken of the Silly Funny Goof Gang the members are shown giving their secret gang sign to the camera. In the background Mr. Carradine looks on. What followed was described by spectators as a blur of bright cotton and blood.

    David Carradine was an unsung hero who vigilantly battled shopping cart abusers wherever they practiced their dark art. For years he walked the blacktop quietly dispensing justice to those who menaced our four wheel friends. He was a friend to the cart, The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse salutes him.

     

    A shopping cart abuser masquerading as a peasant leads a shopping cart to would-be doom. In the background David Carradine plays his song of peace moments before unleashing kung fu justice.

    A shopping cart abuser masquerading as a peasant leads a shopping cart to would-be doom. In the background David Carradine plays his song of peace moments before unleashing kung fu justice.

  • Stop the Windy City Madness

    Posted on March 7th, 2009 luke No comments

    ChiditarodToday in Chicago the annual Chiditarod is taking place. This event invites teams of five people – four “dogs” tied to a tricked-out shopping cart and one “musher” running behind steering – to race through the city streets. The cover story is that this is a fun event that benefits charity. In truth it is nothing more than a Gen-X orchestrated shopping cart abuse fest.

    Next year The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse will be organizing a rival event – Flannelitarod. Teams of former Chiditarod participants will be forced to read each others poetry and drink instant coffee. Then they’ll be sprayed down with hoses.