Incident Report #576YOY9430
25 plastic Shopping Carts were mercilously thrown from a bridge into a ravine. All carts were damaged beyond repair.
DETAIL: This is not the work of professionals. Real Abusers don’t touch plastic carts. The volume of Abuses does suggest the work of serious amateurs. The AIL (Abuse Incident Location), the McCallum Street bridge in Philadelphia, confirms this is the work of copycat Abusers. All aspects of this incident are nearly identical to Day 3 of 1985’s infamous “Cartapalooza”, sponsored by Hot Wheels, Kaiser Sousa, and Patch. There were two major flaws in this imitation. The first was the use of plastic carts, a serious faux-pas among Abuser élite. The second flaw is hearsay; reportedly, at the Post-Bridgethrow reception, there were no fresh-baked cookies in the shape of smashed Carts.
PROFILE: Keep an eye out for a group of five shabby looking Gen X type wannabe’s. Probably 3 males and 2 females of mixed races and emotions.