Fighting for the silver chariot of the parking lot.
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  • Incident Report #04IM1B42U

    santacartHumiliation has collided with cruelty in suburban Tampa. A stolen Shopping Cart has been outfitted as Santa’s sled and put on display for all to see.

    DETAIL: Holidays mean different things to different people. For some they are times for family and celebration. For others they are times to make a physical declaration to your neighbors that you have more free time than they do. Bud Smithley, a retired plumber, falls into the latter category. For Halloween he displays a goblin made from hubcaps and aluminum foil. His lawn is graced on Thanksgiving by a 12 foot pilgrim made from PVC tubing and felt. But his true triumph is his yuletide Santa with Shopping Cart. “Every year Bud sets up that Santa and sled”, says neighbor Ted Bixley, his eyes hollow as stares down at the lawn, “and jokes that this year they’re really going to take off”.

    PROFILE: Bud must have been very unloved as a child. He attempts to get attention by creating structures on his front lawn, not realizing this leaves him unloved as an adult. Repeatedly, counselors from The Center for Shopping Cart Abuse Prevention have tried to make him understand how he has violated the dignity of this Cart. When confronted about this Bud lapses into a predictable “What the hell are you talking about” routine to disguise his true intentions. Be on the lookout for the Bud Smithleys of your neighborhood. 

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