It is with much regret that Patch, evil twin-brother of the Center's founder Luke, remains the number one Shopping Cart Abuser on the list. From the information that's been gathered on his latest "experiments", which involve the use of corrosive acids and sharpened "death-rakes", it looks as though he will remain in this position for some time.

Unlike his brother, who has two good eyes, Patch gazes upon the world with one bad eye and one evil eye. Patch was raised in an era when such deformities were considered the work of naughty Gremlins. As a child he was forced to sleep under a turned over Shopping Cart at night to keep the naughty Gremlins from travelling too far from his head. It is the anger over this type of imprisonment that has led to his notorious acts, giving him cult-like status among the Shopping Cart Abuser minions.